For three years, I have been in China teaching Swing Dancing. Now I'm wandering yet again...
2004-09-21
Feeling Solid Ground
In the time since the last entry, many things have happened.
IÂm settling into my new place.
My roommate is very cool and quite relaxed.
This is good because it helps me to relax as well knowing things are not uptight at home.
The location of my new home is fantastic.
I can leave the house and come back several times per day without feeling like IÂm making a long trip or taking too much time.
Last week Wednesday I went to the Jazz Seeker club for our usual social dance night. The manager of the bar called me aside almost immediately. ÂI need to talk to you, he said. That is never good. No one ever has anything good to say when the Âneed to talk to you.
He tells me, "The bar, as you may know, has been losing money consistently."
I know this, I think to myself. ÂI know, I tell him. ÂHow long will you remain open? I ask.
ÂToday is our last day, he says.
Wowsa.
Considering how efforts in swing dancing had taken many hard hits recently, I was tempted to just cave in. But almost immediately, I decided that today was going to be a crazy, going-away party for loyal dancers and a fond farewell to Jazz Seeker. I sent a message to everyone I could think of. That day, only our most loyal dancers showed up. About six of them. And we did have a very good time. It every night were like that at Jazz Seeker, weÂd have a much bigger following by now!
The manager suggested I try to find another bar to hold the dancing nights. I told him I have two already lined up. He suggested the Silver Moon, where a friend of his works. I told him we were already there on Sundays. He was a bit surprised, but I knew that Jazz Seeker could not last. They never had any customers on days we were not there. And they paid bank for their band, too.
Even for ourselves, there was no way to make that night profitable. The bar would not agree to split a cover charge with us. And the bar was too small to hold regular dance lessons. Actually, only about 8 people could dance at one time without hitting each other. So, in a way it was a relief. Now the Wednesday night was over and I didnÂt have to feel responsible. My loyal students really liked it, and I didn't want them to be mad at me for canceling it.
The previous week, on Tuesday, I went into the English-teaching school where I hold a weekly dancing class. They told me then the class was going to be cancelled at the end of this current month. Today is the second-to-the-last day we will hold a class here. When THAT news was told to me, I didnÂt bat an eye. I said ÂSure, no problem and didnÂt try to even argue or negotiate my position. In truth, I was a bit shaken by this setback. But I didnÂt let it show and I didnÂt worry too much about it, either. The English school had produced just a few students who actually came to the dance nights. So I think I had gained as much from my association with them as I was going to gain. With some time to think about it, I agreed that it was best to have the class over.
However, I quickly realized that I get my work-visa through this English school. Should the entire thing be cancelled, IÂll have to scramble to find another way to stay in China. So I put together a proposal to which they have agreed. Instead of a weekly dance class in the school, we hold a monthly dance class in the park, as a publicity event for both our organizations. The two administrators both thought was a great idea. Then, I invited both of them to come to the upcoming party this Friday as VIP guests, with free admission.
Which brings me to the next thing. There is a party this Friday.
I have always found that whenever things get bad, stale, boring, or whatever, the best thing in the world is to throw a party. For me, it keeps me occupied and focused. Idle time is my own worst enemy.
IÂve been planning the party for several weeks now. Originally it was planned to coincide with the visit of my dance partner from America and the visit of four Japanese dancers. HOWEVER, right now happens to be the time of Formula 1 race car driving in Shanghai. While this means nothing to me personally, it is really a big deal of the local people. All of the hotels are booked, or charging 2x or 3x their normal price. ItÂs ridiculous. Can ALL of the hotels ALL be booked, just because of Formula 1 racing? Well, I donÂt know but the prices remain up there. Because of these costs, the visting Japanese dancers have postponed their trip, and I am not sure about my former dance partner from America.
I decided to go ahead with the party anyhow, because we needed a boost. And, I also decided to have the event there every Friday night. So, the dropping of Jazz Seeker is actually great timing. Those people in the dance scene still have two places to go per week.
On the personal front, I have been very busy. I have had a few dates recently but I canÂt maintain anything consistent due to my schedule. I donÂt want the distraction of a girlfriend at the moment.
As I mentioned before, my new roommate is cool. He gets along great with my own drinking buddies and weÂve all been out for a few wild nights on the town.
IÂve felt a lot more focused and healthy since I got the new home and developed the six-month plan for getting swing dancing off the ground. Granted, IÂm a LOT more busy now, but IÂm using my time more wisely and eating and sleeping more consistently.
IÂve got a lot of nervous energy in regards to this upcoming Friday gig. If it does not work, IÂm really going to be out of steam. But IÂm banking that it WILL work. And IÂm doing most every thing I can think of to make it work. At the same time, IÂm trying now to think about what type of Âreal job I may want to take after these next six months. I know I could go back to computers, but I really donÂt want to. In those times I have done some computer work out here, I have gotten frustrated really easily. I donÂt think I WANT to do that type of work anymore. So IÂm trying to negotiate with myself to find some sort of work which is acceptably interesting and acceptably profitable as well. Honestly, I hope I just find an opportunity amongst the people I meet. I hate searching through jobs on the classifieds. All the decent jobs are already taken long before they ever get printed on the classifieds.
Once this week is over, IÂm going to go about a few basic things like getting a bed, a dresser, food for the apartment, and membership to a gym. I do get plenty of cardio exercise, but I need to do some weight training to keep in shape for lifting those small Chinese girls in the air. I know of one gym not too far from my home. IÂll join that one or another if I can find one closer.
WeÂve had three shows in the past month, so money is not a problem right now. I have not had to dip into my savings any further. I still canÂt afford to purchase things outside of China, however. This includes airplane tickets, which would cost a serious amount of money relative to the local income.
Two weeks ago one of my friends left Shanghai. He was the guy with whom I was planning on sharing an apartment. Good thing I didnÂt rent one with him! He called me and said he was leaving the next day, and asked if I could join him for a night out at the bars. I was exhausted when he called. I told him I could not make it.
I am getting tired of my friends leaving Shanghai so randomly. My old roommate did it, and now this friend. And he was just three weeks ago talking abour renting an apartment with me! I was a bit pissed that he could be so irresponsible. But regardless, it would just be a bummer for me to see him leave. Besides, he has already Âleft Shanghai once, only to return a few months later. I didnÂt want to go through the separation stress again. So I stayed home that night.
On another note, a different friend of mine, a nice girl from Sweden, has returned to Shanghai. She called me up just a few days ago. IÂm to have lunch with her some time this week. SheÂs just about the most adorable creature IÂve ever met, but alas, too young for yours truly. SheÂs good fun and a good friend, though. IÂm going to try to meet up with her soon.
All for now.
-J
2004-09-09
Better News
On Wednesday I moved my stuff into the new apartment. It is very nice, centrally located. I feel better already. There is no garbage on the street, and there is even a security guard at the gate and front door. Not that I ever felt any need for security when I was living in my last place. I'll say this for China, you don't feel at all uncomfortable walking around even at night in pretty much any part of the city.
Today we did a dance show for a corporate group, Nokia, coming from Singapore and other cities. Unfortunately, the main guys, CEO and CFO, did not attend, though they were scheduled to do so. The group we had was really great. They were all very enthusiastic and learned very fast. We gave them a little demonstration then had a big group lesson, about 30 people. Many were from Nokia, many were from the media.
I still have to handle a couple of small hassles regarding the move out of the old place. My old roommate left a good amount of stuff there. Clothes, books, even some shoes. To get the security deposit and leave things on good terms, I'm going there tonight (my last technical day of rent) and cleaning out the place. Also the sink drain is plugged up and the batteries on all of the remote controls have run out of power. It's just a small thing but I think it's a good idea to do everything I can think of.
In the swing dancing effort in general, I know I have been very conflicted and sometimes frustrated in my dealing with her, but I have learned some valuable lessons from my experiences so far. In general, I have found the following to apply to me and my interactions:
1. Get to know people early.
When you meet a person, try hard to understand where they are coming from. Take a look at their experiences, their social and economic status, and most of all their personality. Especially try to figure out what their personality flaws, quirks, or other things which I would consider difficult to handle. Find out where their boundaries are, and don't press them. Accept them the way they are. Go to them for advice and council only for those specific topics which they have knowledge and experience. Find out where your philosophies do not agree, and avoid those points. And avoid a person in general if you think the interraction will be unfavorable.
2. You can't do it alone.
This is one of my own character flaws. I tend to want control over things which I am doing. This can be good sometimes, but it also will limit you to working alone very often. Everyone else will have different ideas. It can be hard to listen to conflicting ideas. Especially so when the person has an arguing style which get under your skin. But in order to be a part of something larger than yourself, you have to get over yourself.
3. Organize.
Maybe the biggest problem I have had in student retention is that the classes have not followed an organized pattern. But this has been a logistical challenge that anyone would have faced in my shoes. Different people show up each time, and people show up inconsistently. I never want to lose a new student, but in the effort for doing this some of our more experienced students have gotten frustrated and dropped out.
4. Keep your own private life.
Don't get too closesly involved with the people you have in your classes. It's OK of course to get to know them and confide in certain people. But always keep an outside circle of friends who do not overlap into the 'work' world. You'll need it from time to time when you want a break.
5. Keep stable.
Don't get too excited or too upset about things which happen. Granted, this does take away some of the joy of the effort. But things will, can, and always do go wrong. It's more imporant to keep a steady, stable effort than to have fantasticly shining moments.
6. Adapt to the culture.
Originally we tried to teach partner dancing. This went alright, but the Chinese in general have a more difficult time with improvisation and self-expression in dancing. I've found that the eight-count dance, Charleston, was much more easily learned than the 'simpler' six-count East Coast Swing. The Charleston has a specific step on each of the eight counts and the rhytmn is steady. It can be danced and practiced without a partner, while East Coast Swing cannot. In addition to Charleston, the line dances have proven to be very successful. It's just easier to jump into the unknown style when you have to just rely upon your own steps and not also learn how to dance with someone else.
7. You are flawed, too.
Just as you must accept the flaws in other people, you must realize you have a few glaring ones of your own. Sometimes you don't even realize them. Pay attention to other people's reactions. If it is not good and they don't confront you on it, try to learn from it and modify yourself. Most people don't tell you if you have a personality flaw. With good reason.
8. Have a long-term plan.
In the beginning it was not possible to know what would happen. I was spending most of my time just figuring out what was going on around me. But I have developed an immediate goal -- getting 50 people who come more or less regularly. And I've set a six-month period for getting that to happen. Since I did that, whenever things have gone wrong (venues cancelling us, for instance), I have just thought about the long-term plan and realized that it still can be achieved.
And last...
9. Accept that you may fail.
I know a lot of people would not agree with this philosophy. But for me I'm too analytical and self-critical. The worrying about failing was causing problems. It was giving me too much stress, and when I am stressed and upset I really can't motivate people to have fun dancing, you know!
That's about it for now. I've got a few things to handle tonight. More later, hopefully written from my new apartment (which has an ADSL connection!)
Peace,
-J
2004-09-08
Today
Morning: Woke up. Took Metro Line 2 to Shimen Yi Lu (Shimen Number One Road). When to my local "Kinko's" and designed a poster for an upcoming swing dancing event. This takes 3 hours, and it's not quite complete when I have to leave...
Afternoon: Leave and take Metro Line 2 to center of the city, People's Square (Ren Ming Guan Chang). Transfer to Metro Line 1 and take this to Xu Jia Hui ( a major shopping area ).
Late afternoon: I am supposed to see an apartment for rent. It turns out it is not at Xu Jia Hui, but at Hengshan Lu, one metro stop away. I call Malcom, the Australian who's renting the place and tell him I cannot make it because I must teach a dancing class at 7pm.
6:50pm: The finance office at the school where I teach dancing is closed. On the elevator, I run into Allen at the English School where I teach dancing. He joins me in the elevator because he says he needs to talk to me about something.
6:55pm: Alan tells me he needs to talk to me about two things. For one, he wants his English school to co-sponsor the swing dancing event I am planning. I give him a draft of the poster I put together earlier. The second thing is, he wants to cancel the swing dancing class I am holding at the school. I keep a smile on my face. "No Problem" I say, while inside I am saying, Damn!
7:00pm: Class begins. We have a good turnout, 20 people. 5 of which are guys, which is a large amount. I am realizing this the last of three future classes am about to teach. I am on edge, but I have energy. I am thinking as I teach this class, "These people don't know this class is about to end." As I teach the basic step and outside turn, I think, "I depend on this English school for my work visa, and without them, I need to figure out how I will arrange for a visa in China. I send Alan a message and tell him I want to talk to him... when? I am busy with the apartment move! How about Friday? He says fine, no problem.
I think about The Simpsons episode, where Lisa Simpson says, "Don't you realize that the Chinese have the same word for 'crisis' as they do 'opportunity'?"
So it's not a crisis. It's an opportunity. I think I must keep teaching at least one class per month. That will probably be acceptable to them, and it will allow me to keep my Z-visa, too.
Class goes well. My Chinese protege, Wesley, shows up late. I teach Lindy Hop this class. Normally, I would not do Lindy Hop with beginners, but what the Flarg? You know?
At the end of the class we have about eight students still remaining. I thank them. Today I do not take down their emails as they leave. I do not know why.
9:00pm: The class is over. I call Malcom and tell him I am coming to visit his apartment for rent.
9:20pm: The apartment is very nice and centrally located. Malcom impresses me as a person I will mostly agree with and a good guy. I want the apartment. During our short talk, one of my clients calls me.
9:35-9:45pm: I discuss with the Event Company of Singapore the specifics of our approaching event on Thursday. This has been a major hassle so far. Not worth the money, but it's all about the six-month plan. I must accept the temporary inconveniences to get to my goal of popular Lindy Hop by the end of these six months. In the end, I negotiate a free lunch for my assistants who are coming. Not bad.
9:45-10pm: Finish negotiations for the apartment with Malcom. 2100rmb for my part. My old apartment was 2300rmb for the entire thing, but it was in a slum, after all. He says he has one more person to show the apartment to. Can he get back to me tomorrow at midnight? I tell him I must make a decision, well, now. It's not HIS problem, I say, of course, but I need a new place to live by Thursday. It's Tuesday. OK, fine. Good to meet you. I will call the other person and maybe I'll even get back to you tonight.
10:20pm: Metro station at Hengshan Lu, near the apartment, waiting for the subway. Phone rings. Malcom. 2200rmb and you have a deal. Brilliant! I say. Now that search has ended.
10:55pm: Bynoon Music Bar (the location of our upcoming party). I meet with my current roommate Stuart for the last time. We have beer. Lots. We talk of life, but keep it light because when we talk it tends to dwell upon the ponderous things. A proper way to say goodbye.
1:30am: Stuart leaves, going to Coco's place. Coco is one of my most promising dancers from my group. Stuart met her at one of my swing dance nights. Within five minutes, she put her leg on top of his. Coco is a very attractive girl. I was envious, I admit. But this is life. C'est la vie.
1:55am: I am at the Internet Cafe. I guess this is about the last time I will be here, too. Tomorrow, I intend to spend the day moving to my new place. The guy next to me is playing Counter-Strike, and I will see if I can join the game. Then sleep, then on to the next day.
-J
Today
2004-09-05
latest
I've been in a funny way lately. Just a few items of pressure which have made me uncomfortable. One is my roommate moving out and having to find a new place. Two is getting booted out of one of our swing dance venues which I had really liked. Three is our declining numbers for swing dancing and struggling to find a method to spread the word better.
I'm feeling a bit improved now. A few good meals, some rest, and hanging out with my friends helps a lot. I have decided to start giving away basic swing dancing classes for free. We do this to attract new people and get our active dancers up to about 50. Once we have that, we will have a legitimate 'scene' and we will have more leverage in bargaining with venues, dance schools and the like.
Some of my friends have helped me in the apartment search, and this is reassuring, though I have to find a place by Wednesday and this is Sunday night. I have some plans to take existing places I have seen already, but I hope to find a better deal before the time of the move.
I'm sticking with the six-month plan. I think it's a good idea. We should have a viable and self-sustaining scene by six months if I handle it properly. If it doesn't work out despite my best efforts, then it's just not supposed to happen now. But I think it will work somehow.
Dancing does bring me some joy. If I did not have it, I'd probably get even more wrapped up in my own problems than I am now. I know it's made a big difference in my life.
So, for now one day at a time. Get the apartment settled, then get a part time day job to pay the bills. Then execute the six-month plan. At that point I am free to continue on if I am happy, or I can do something else should this seem best.
Peace,
-J
2004-09-03
Granted, I have been saying some pretty optimistic things in the last two posts, but recently I have been having some doubts about my own situation. Last night, and two nights before, as I went to sleep I came to a 'realization' or 'feeling' that I don't want to do this swing dancing this anymore, this China thing anymore.
I have always had the most trouble figuring out what it was that I truly wanted. Whenever I am placed with a person with a particularly strong personality (or let's say, 'assertive' personality), I find myself very frequently backing down, seeing it their way, deferring, and so forth. I always hated this characteristic in myself, but it comes from childhood and exposure to my own father's assertiveness.
Eventually, after enough of this deferring, you really do lose track of what it is that you truly want. Everyone has trouble making decisions -- major life decisions. Everyone has their own method for making those decisions. But for me it's been particularly difficult. Somewhere in the inside of my head there is a clear desire for what I want to do. But I really can't see it very clearly. I do tend to act out my desires subconsciously, however. So, what I do is I take a look at how I have been acting over the past few weeks or months. I try to disregard the reasons why I THINK I'm acting that way. I imagine I'm just watching someone I don't really know that way an judge that person by their actions.
Judging myself by my own actions, I would say my efforts here have not been up to par. I know what I'm doing is difficult, but I can see another person succeeding in the same situation. I spend an extraordary amount of time on non-productive things. I should have a much better developed business plan, classes organized, publicity, and so forth. I'm not being unreasonably self-critical, I am just trying to be honest with what my own real movitation is right now.
I know I wanted to get out of the SF Bay area. I had bad time recovering from a relationship breakup, and I could just feel the energy draining by measures each day. It was right to get out. It was right, too I think, to go to Shanghai. I have enjoyed my time here. I have benefitted much, and gained much in worldwide perspective and life experience. I've met a lot of good friends, too.
But what is it I want to do now?
First of all, what are my obligations? We all must make our decisions within the frame of our own obligations. I am much more free than most people in this regard. I have no family of my own nor signficant other, and I'm really quite OK with that. I don't think that's what I want to seek anyhow. So this means I can move anywhere, I don't have to support anyone besides myself, and I'm free to pursue just about anything. It's also a bit empty living this way, too. Obligations bring benefits as well, of course.
My only true obligation that I feel is that I must make swing dancing continue in the event that I don't want to be at the center of it anymore. I think that this is the direction I want to pursue over the next six months. If I can get classes going, get my students to teach the beginners, and get at least one quality teacher to take over for me, then it will continue. These have been my thoughts at the end of the day.
I also look at my housing situation. I have not been agressively pursuing my own apartment. I think in part this tells me I am actually considering leaving and trying to paint myself into a corner so that I have an excuse to leave.
Everyone has listless feelings from time to time. I think it is best in the long run for everyone to be honest with how they are feeling. If they don't want to be in a situation, it's better to admit that to themselves and work towards a direction which fixes the problem. If you pretend a problem doesn't exist for long enough, eventually you forget the problem. But it still exists.
So what am I doing, just whining? Maybe tired. Frustrated, for sure. I don't feel like I have a lot of momentum right now. I feel like I'm struggling to stand still. Burnout.
The people who I have talked to who have set up dance scenes very often feel this way. I met a guy back in SF before I left who set up a dance scene somewhere. After about a year he didn't feel like dancing anymore, sort of dropped out of the scene.
I'm not going to take any immediate actions on this, but I think that I should try to spend my remaining time here making the scene self-sufficient. I've never before put a time frame on how long I want to stay here, but I think that I should plan for six more months. Get accomplished what I want to get accomplished, then at that time I can make the decision on what to do, where to go, and so forth.
Peace,
-J
2004-09-02
The Big Push
Lately I've been feeling a lack of energy for the swing dancing movement. We've lost a few students recently, and gained some, too, but I don't feel the momentum. Plus, our Sunday venue, which I had spent a good deal of time and expense promoting, just cancelled us for the next three weeks because they are having corporate events there during our time.
I don't hold it against them. We do not bring in much business, not yet anyhow, and this venue is a very, very nice posh place. They said they wanted us to return again after the three weeks, but as much as I would like that to work, it won't. We can't change venues like that. And we can't have inconsitency. Students have a lesson plan which we need to try to follow. Sometimes I think it is obvious the reasons why we must have a regular place at a regular time, but a lot of people did not understand. So...
The first reason is that our regular dancers must learn how to locate the venue, then determine the best way to get there, then figure out a good restaurant to get food at in the area, and so forth.
Second, there is the advertising. We printed ( when I say 'we' I mean 'I' ) a good amount of flyers for the event, which takes design time and printing costs. Many handouts were given, and we have no way of contacting those people to tell them the event has moved.
Third, just like advertising, the word-of-mouth will suffer with a venue change. People may not remember everything about the event, but they will probably remember where it was and what time it was held. Then they tell their friends at work, for instance. When those people show up at the old venue, they will almost certainly not pursue it further if we are not there.
And last, there's my own personal stress. I was notified on Tuesday that we would not be able to dance that Sunday. Mind you, I don't hold anything against the venue. I'd like to keep doing business with them in some other way. From a business point of view I know this is true. But I cannot deny that I am an emotional person and this is an emotional venture I am undertaking. When I was told we were cancelled, I felt like I had just started dating someone I really liked and suddenly got dumped.
The success of this venture depends a great deal on my own personal level of enthusiasm. It's not computer work. I can do fine programming even if I'm not happy or if I don't like the job. But you can't get people excited about dance if you are feeling all defeated.
It's easy to say, "Don't get down about it", but that's not very helpful. What it boils down to is that I will have to work for maybe 10-20 hours in the next weeks to replace the venue, losing time and energy I could have put to some other use. Well, that's business, I suppose.
On the personal front, I am still looking for an apartment. I had considered moving in with a Finish friend of mine, but he seems unmotivated to complete the move in the time frame I have. Plus, he really doesn't have a job. He's got money enough to pay the rent, but it's quite likely that he could decide to leave town and go back to Finland or take a job in Beijing or Hong Kong or something. It's too much of a risk. If he moved I'd have to do another roommate search again, and I don't want to spend my time that way.
On the other side of the personal front, I have been stuggling lately with an addiction. I think all types of addiction have a common nature; you are trying to avoid thinking about something or dealing with some major problem in your life. The type of problem is too big to ignore, but also for some reason the problem is also beyond your ability to control.
Well, beyond my philosophy on what addiction is, the thing which I am addicted to is... computer games.
I don't have a computer of my own in China, which is not a problem because there are Internet cafes with public computers everywhere. But on each of those computers is installed 20 or 30 games. Every single computer, including the one I am sitting at now, has some of my favorite games installed. I just have to close this window and click on the icon and I'm playing a game.
The problem is, once I begin, there's no telling how long I'll go for. Maybe 2, 4, 6 hours. All without breaks or food. It's very unhealthy, and it takes up a great deal of my time. Plus it's bad for the energy and diet intake, which both should be top priorities considering what I am trying to do with dancing. But this it the problem. I don't have a solution at the moment, but I think about it a lot. More later.
Oh, so the Big Push. Beginning later this month, I'm going to start holding a Friday evening dance event. I have found a bar which willing to host our parties and share in the profit. It's really, really hard to get a partner like this. The place has a great atmosphere. The location is second-best, though, and that really worries me. But I have to take the chance. I have to start making some regular profit or I will personally lose motivation to promote this effort. Realisticly speaking.
All for now-
J
