The Wandering Monkey

This Christmas has been one of great contrast.  On the one hand, I have found it very fulfilling in that I am with my family again, especially because of the new arrival -- my sister's child, now 10 months old.  On the other hand, two relatives have passed away within the last month.  In both cases, the news was unexpected, with just one month notice in one case and almost no notice in the other.
I was not personally close with those who passed, but I am close to the people they have left behind.  I see them as being strong, but what else can one be.  It has made me start to wonder about certain things in my life and what I might start doing next.
Being with my niece has opened my eyes to a few things.  First of all, taking care of children is exhausting work.  When I'm working on a web page, I can at least envision what I want to happen and pursue it.  It may be frustrating, it may take a long time, and sometimes I won't get the result.  But I can take breaks when I want, and each time I learn more tools and methods to getting the result.
With a child, you are not so much able to direct things.  They can at time require your *constant* attention, and their needs may change within 5 seconds.  My mom and I were both sitting for my sister and her husband, who we gave a 'free night out' gift for Christmas.  My mom went to check on email, and I swear it seemed like I had never seen anyone take so long.  I must have come up with 20 new activities to try and amuse the baby and keep her from crying.  I did OK in the end, but it occurred to me that I was hungry and I could not stop to get a meal, at least for the moment.
Later on, when my mom returned, I was happy that I had tended for the baby but tired in a strange way.  As our babysitting duties came to an end, I looked to my stepdad who was watching the TV.  "I guess we've missed Monday Night Football," I said, estimating the time.  He and my mom returned, "The game hasn't even started yet!"  I think I must have been a little delerious.
So, do I want one of these things, children?  Not as of yet.  But it's been a very good exposure.  Actually, this whole trip has.  I have visited many friends from swing dancing (in Californa) and from high school (in Chicago).  Over half are married, many of those with kids.  I've never been around so many kids for an extended period of time.  Overall, they are not as bad as I'd envisioned.  Sometimes cute.  But most parents say the same thing, regardless of whether they love or hate their job : it's a lot of work!
So, for the moment, no.
All for now.  Tomorrow I spend the day with my stepdad.  Wish we could go fishing or something.  There's not much chance of that in the winter here, so I suppose we'll just have to hunt local squirrels with a BB gun.  On the day after tomorrow I go into Chicago to see an old high school buddy, and perhaps another one at the same time who's also working in the city.
-J

Since it has just gone past midnight, it is now technically Christmas.  I'm very tired and about to go to bed, but first I thought I'd put down a few thoughts.

Today I went to Willow Creek community church, which has some 70,000 members.  They have done a very good job there of making the church current.  Their services include a lot of singing by a talented group of musicians.  The entire thing is played on a big-screen behind the stage where the people stand.  The auditorium seats several thousand and has three tiers of seats.  It is not unlike going to a music concert.

They also had today a videotaped 'thought of the day' made by one of the female MC's of the day.  And later, the pastor comes up and delivers his message, along with another guy.  The main pastor of that church is a man with a great deal of charisma.  You feel stronger just listening to him, and makes sense and doesn't say anything foolish.  He's obviously a very intelligent man who understands how the average people see the church these days, and can relate to their questions and doubts about the whole thing.  He focuses a lot on the connection between people in the church, and the good deeds it does, plus also of course the essential beliefs of the church.  A final note; this church is one of the phenomenally successful ones in America.  While many churces are failing to attract new people and are losing old ones, this one keeps gaining people all the time.  Harvard business school has done many case studies on the business model of the church to try to explain why it is so successful.  (I could not help but think that some of their methods would be good to understand to help getting swing dancing to expand in China - minus the religion aspect of course.)

After church, we came back home and had the usual food.  A few members of my sister's husband's family joined us.  We ate then watched football.  Pretty normal stuff.

After some consideration, measuring my emotional responses to different situations over the past few weeks, at the moment I believe I will leave Chicago as soon as I can.  I could stay at my mom's place, living in the basement for a while, but I think I need to be 'out there', doing things.  I think that I must keep active, moving, and busy in order to be healthy and happy right now.  So, one way or another I'm going to leave Chicago right after New Years.

There's two possible options I'm considering now, same as before: San Francisco and Shanghai.  I could see myself going back to Shanghai right away if a good job offer came up.  But there's no immediate option available, and I'm not going back to Shanghai without a job.  Yesterday, I sent a message to my girlfriend back there, telling here I will be needing her help to get rid of the apartment.  So tomorrow I'll call my landlord and tell him, and we'll take it from there.

While looking for a Shanghai job, I'm going to live in San Francisco and do whatever contract or temp work I need to do to get by.  This could potentially lead to a long stay in San Fran.  I'm not going to worry about that.  I'm just going to keep moving.  Where I end up, that's where I"ll be.

Back to today: After dinner I worked a while on some new web page technologies.  I spent about two hours on it, getting the animation and different graphics working properly.  There's still a lot more to learn.  It seems endless.  But I did it several hours and I found the work interesting.  Then I played a Risk game with my brother, and I found I could not concentrate and kept making dumb mistakes, so I conceded after my position got really bad. 

Afterwards, though still tired, I was a little too wired to sleep.  So I opened up the laptop to see if I could do some more swing-related work.  I opened my music collection and started to go through my swing music collection and classify the works based on whether they are good dance songs or not.  After about 15 minutes of this, I felt really sick of it.  I really didn't feel any enthusiasm for it, and I didn't want to even hear the music.  So what does this say about my feelings about swing?

When I was in San Fran, I went to one swing dance night.  It was really cool meeting all the old gang again.  And I did have several swing dances, and they were really cool.  I had expected most of the people there to be better than me, since San Francisco was the home of the 'truly intimidating' dancers all during the time I lived there.  However, I didn't see that many who were way better than me.  There were many different dance styles, and I'd like to learn from them, but I felt confidently on par with about anyone there.  This surprised be, because I had sort of been feeling my dance skills had been *decreasing* over the last year, having no inspiration from which to draw.  But, as it stands, I'm doing fine.

The thought of teaching does not pique my interest, nor do I want to go through all the DJ work again.  (You would not believe the time investment it takes to be a DJ!  It is so easy for people to take this job for granted when they don't have to do it themselves.)  But I have noticed that I feel just fine making plans for expansion of China Swings, working on the websites, performing analysis of profit-loss, and working on logo design and graphic design.

This leads me to think I'm no longer wanting to teach or DJ or probably perform.  I'd like to learn new dance stuff, and participate in the parties!  That makes me a student!  But I'd also like to direct the scene and organize it.  Before I left Shanghai, I felt that I was burned out on teaching and running the scene week-to-week.  I did not know how I'd feel about it after I had a break for a while.  As it stands, it looks like I'm done with teaching for the forseeable future.  I think I've done my part, anyhow.  I have an instructor taking care of it there, and he's good and enjoys the work.  We're going to go with that, as I like to say, for the forseeable future.

So today is the 25th.  I'll definitely be in Chicago until a little after New Years.  I don't feel a future for myself here.  Almost all friends married, many with kids.  Can't live at my mom's because it's in the middle of no where and I don't have a car.  Don't want to live in Chicago downtown because it's cold and I don't know anyone around there.

So I'm off to San Francisco.  Got to get a month-to-month apartment.  Something not too expensive.  Live in the city, where I won't need a car.  Perhaps live close to Chinatown, where I can find people to practice Mandarin with.  Go to go with the temp agencies to get some short term jobs for cash.  Probably need to pick up some new clothes, since I left a lot in Shanghai!  Keep expenses to a minimum.  Connect with the swing dance scene.  Work on my technical skills.  Pursue the jobs.  Get a temporary cell phone for fielding phone calls.  SF will be my temporary base of operations until I nail down the international job.  Who knows, maybe not even to China?  Maybe to Thailand, Indonesia, Vietnamj. Japan!  Not Singapore, though.

Merry Christmas,
Jim

Blog 2005-12-14

San Francisco: Complete

It's now near midnight on Wednesday evening.  Tomorrow morning I'm on a plane to Chicago, where my mom will be picking me up from the airport.  (Note to self: Send email to confirm)

I have completed my San Francisco tour.  It began at Greg & Barbara's, and I've just come back to their place again.  A quick rundown of everything I've seen:

First 3 days: Greg & Barbaras.  Most time spent at home.  Met their son, 2-year old Byron.  Interactions were actually reasonably fun, though glad parents were always on hand to take care of him whenever there were any issues.  Would not want a kid myself, I confirmed.

Next: Reached my friend Steve, who did not know I was in town.  Surprised by my call, he welcomed me to visit with him.  Took a ride with Greg to work, and met up with Steve in mid-morning.  Met Steve's wife, who I had not seen before.  Married almost two years, so the ceremony was just after I had left.  Spent some more time adjusting to American life.  Starbucks, Noah's Bagels, Jamba Juice (Orange Dream Machine - extra large - mmm....)  Introduced to online computer game, World of Warcraft.  Pretty cool.  In evening felt a little chest cold and passed out at 7pm, still jet-lagged as well.  Spent day with couple, talked over things.  Late in evening went on...

Next: Met Pam for dinner.  Feeling very tired, we both are.  Have a coffee.  Good to see her.  She gives me a mix CD which she has created.  Finish a quick meal and back to her home.  Meet her new boyfriend.  Want to get a beer?  Yes.  Out to my first American bar in two years.  Look around the scene.  San Jose night life.  It was just like before -- not much.  San Jose is still very male-heavy.  Too many guys per female.  Pam's boyfriend and his friend are heavy into martial arts.  Gives an interesting contrast to the 'gentler' swing dancing crowd.  More beer and back home, to watch Beavis & Butt-head DVD.  Pass out.

Wake.  It's Sunday morning.  Everyone asleep.  Go for a walk.  30 minutes.  Get Mexican dinner plate for breakfast.  Walk back.  Everyone still asleep.  Go back to sleep.  Wake up again. Pam is up.  Want to go for a hike?  Yes.

Out for a hike in Villa Montalvo, a small redwood forest and majestic villa open to the public.  Have a hike and talk about life & the pursuit of happiness.  Nice.

Back home to rest a bit, before heading out to party on peninsula.  Meet up with Eugene & wife, who have just bought a house.  Meet the first random swing dancers.  Talk about doing swing in China, and filming the movie, and how wierd the experience was.  Finish here, and...

Next: Rendesvous with Susan.  She sets up an air mattress and I'm off to sleep at her place.

Wake in morning.  Not much to do, until 1:30pm when Susan gets home.  We go out for coffee, and meet up with Patrick, who is working on a new company which sells virtual items for computer games (explanation: online games are so popular that an entire real-cash market has emerged selling the rare items found on the online game.  Patrick runs such a company).  We talk about expansion of his services into China.  If it's one thing I know, it's where the Chinese play computer games, and which games they play, and how we could have efficient marketing opportunities out there.

Evening back at Susans.  Dinner with random swing dancer + Susan + Pam + surprise guest Pam's B.F.  Talk about promoting martial arts vis a vis swing dancing.  Finish and back to Susans.  Sleep.

Next day.  Watch Empire Strikes Back.  See Ralph Fiennes interview on daytime woman's program, called "The View."  In interview he mentions The White Countess, but clip from movie is a very poor choice and quite unimpressive.  The movie, it is announce, will have a limited release Dec 21.  Hmm...

That evening.  Go to Swing Central in Redwood city, run by Carla (of Kevin & Carla fame).  With permission, put up "China Swings" poster.  Met many swing dancers and old friends I haven't seen since way back.  Have fond recollections and talk about China and the experiences there.  First performance group of the night goes on, but there is a problem with the music CD player.  Event MC keeps talking to amuse people, eventually asks if anyone  has announcements.  I'm wearing my Shanghai Swings T-Shirt, so I say I do have an announcement.  I say I'm Jimbo, and I'm from Shanghai, and we have swing dance groups over there plus in Beijing.  Everyone should come out!  A few people from the crowd yell "Jimbo!"  I finish announcement and two girls run up to me.  They are old friends I'd not yet bumped into.

Three dance performances, then a birthday jam.  Audrey, one of the old friends, drags me to the floor for the jam, since I am a visitor.  It kicks off, and it's a fast one.  I start the dance with Audrey, and soon some new random girl comes up.  I spin off Audrey, but not until after I've dance with both simultaneously for a few moments.  A little while with the new girl, and another one comes up.  I only have 5 seconds with this one, and another comes up (that's considered rude by jam standards to interrupt so quickly).  I'm amazed that all of them are so good at following.  And then I think, Hey, I'm back in San Francisco!  Two or three more, then to my surprise Carla herself comes up, very happy and enthusiastic.  Cool!, I think.  We go on for quite some time, due in part that no girl wants to come up and interrupt Carla while she's at a dance.  Two or three more and the song is over.

It was great fun!  My legs are weak, and my lungs are burning.  Never felt a thing until I stopped, though!  Sign of a good, long jam.  Get some water, say a few goodbyes, then get in with my ride and go back home to Susans.

Next (Today): Wait most of the morning, not doing much.  Supposed to meet with old friend Patty in evening.  Bored, so call Merry and meet her for lunch at Google.  Place has expanded!  From 4 buildings to 10 or so in the last two years.  Stock price from IPO of 50 to 400 right now.  Yes, 400!  Take the Google tour.  I've been here several times before.  Cool campus, interesting architecture.  Great cafeteria, much larger than it used to be.  Many of them, too.  All food is free.  That's why it's a good place to be a guest at lunch.

Eat, walk around with Merry.  Talk about life, and choices.  I wonder for a while if I should have stayed in Silicon Valley two years ago, when Merry was asking if I wanted to join Google.  I think about it.  Then I say, from a personal point of view, it would not have been right for me.  Two years ago I was not in a good state, frustrated with the old job and enduring the lingering pain of a failed engagement.  For me, going to Shanghai was definitely the right decision then.  I do say, however, it would be nice to currently have the BENEFITS of having made the decision to keep working, but I needed that change and I probably would not have been able to apply myself fully and invest all my energies into the job.

Back to Susan's.  It's afternoon.  Wait.  Play Hearts on computer.  Kind of bored.  Susan's home and in a bad mood.  Rare to see.  Wonder if its because of anything I've done, but it seems to be work.  An hour later her boyfriend shows up.  We make popcorn and watch an episode of King of Queens (first I've ever seen) on TiVo (which is a really cool sort of hard-drive method of recording and playing back TV shows.)  Nice.  Fast forward through commercials.

Finally Patty shows up.  Near 8pm.  Where shall we go to dinner?  Ethiopian.  She offers to treat, so I say OK.  Talk about things.  She's married now, too.  Invited me to come to San Fran area wedding, and also the second ceremony in Italy.  I turned down both offers because of the money it would have taken to fly out there.  Too bad.  Would have liked to see Italy.  Have dinner and back to her house.  Meet Edo again, have a chat.  He's really funny.  They both get in car and drive me up to Greg and Barbara's, which is where I am...

NOW: typing info into computer.  Soon I'll get under the covers and sleep.  Tomorrow I'm in Chicago, and I'm facing the family.  I'm glad I did San Fran first.  Gives me a chance to adjust to "American" life again.  Get my feet on the ground.  Family is going to take some energy to face again.  My story's not unique.  Holiday time with family can be trying.  However, there's lot of good this year.  My sister is back in town from Germany, so I will be able to for the first time see my niece, Samantha, who is just over a year old (I think!).  My Uncle Tom is also coming into town, which is an added bonus.  I don't think he planned before to come out, but changed his trip at the last moment. 

 * * *

So, given all that, my mind's on my future.  Don't want to burn any more savings.  Got to get a job.  In my head, I picture moving to San Francisco, where you can live without a car.  Get a short-term contract job inside the city, where I can take public transportation.  Dance at the various local events.  Be a spectator for a while.  Take some lessons from the local champions.  Promote China Swings, and support the scene remotely by working on websites and structure plans.  Make some cash.  Look for jobs which will offer a job-moving plan to go back to Shanghai.  But I think I want to spend a few months in America first.  If I still continue to feel this way for the next week (during which I'll be in Chicago), I will send notice to not renew the apartment in Shanghai.  I won't take the return ticket from Chicago to Shanghai.  I'll look for jobs through headhunters and on DICE (website for technical professionals).

I'm concerned a bit.  Don't know where this diversion will take me.  Not a diversion, really, but a necessary career direction change.  Right now I feel I'll eventually end up back in Shanghai, but I can't say when that will be.  I'll continue to study my Chinese, and if I'm in San Francisco, it will be easy to find a tutor and people to practice with.  I can't seem myself living in Chicago because it's too cold and you need a car to get around.

Sometimes it does feel a bit odd, though.  Going back into corporate work after what I've been doing the past two years.  From the high point of working with a-list Hollywood stars, to the low points of struggling to maintain students and keep up the enthusiasm.  All of which has lead me back in a big circle.  Going back where I came from, doing what I was doing when I left.  I feel funny about that.  I'm itching for something more.  I think I will be happy doing a new full time job, I just want to make sure it's something interesting and fulfilling before I take it on.

All For N0wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww....

I'm enjoying my days lately.  It's a real comfort to get back in touch with my family and argue with them in all the typical ways.  It used to be for a long time I was hoping people would change after I'd been gone a long time.  But people don't change, as a rule.  So I've decided that I'm going to do what suits me best, and then it's not so important if they change or not.  That's the thing.

 

Just today my step-dad asked, "When are you going back to Shanghai?"

I said, "When I find a job which takes me back there."

He said, "When do you suppose that will be?"

I said, "It's like fishing.  What if you are fishing and someone asks you, 'When will you have a fish?'  Well, as soon as the fish bites, it's a manner of minutes.  But until the fish bites, you have no idea when it will happen."

 

Here fishy fishy fish...

 

Day 7 of America.

 

I have been going to different places.  I spent one and half days with my friend Steve.  He and I worked on a computer game while I lived here.  The game never got finished, but Steve and I became good friends.  He's gotten married while I was away.  He's been married almost two years, so he must have gotten married just after I got in China.  I don't remember if he sent me a message about it, but I was very busy those first few months out here so I might have forgotten if he had told me.

 

Although this 'vacation' cannot be considered a luxury trip, it is giving me a good chance to see people living their lives as they normally do.  I am staying with different people, and they are going through their normal routines for the most part.  I see what they do in a normal day, how they live their lives on a normal basis.  It is very good for me, because I can compare what my life is like in China to what their lives are like back here.

 

Tonight I'm supposed to go to a party which has a lot of swing dancers.  I haven't met up with any of them yet, if you can believe that!  I have to go from one person to another, hoping they will let me sleep at their homes, so I haven't been able to meet most people for lunches or coffees.  But tonight I should run into a whole bunch of them.

 

I'm talking to folks about jobs, especially in China.  I'm going to have a lunch with my old friend who works at Google, but again it does not look like there is anything solid there.  My chances are probably better somewhere else, though I don't know where that somewhere else is just yet.

 

Today is Sunday the 11th.  I think on the 15th I go on to Chicago.  (I'll have to check my ticket for the exact date.) 

 

I like the San Francisco area and I would probably want to live here if I were to live in the United States again.  Of course, everything depends on the job situation.  Here's how I'm looking at how things will go in the next few weeks:

 

I'm going to continue to send out intenet resumes and talk to everyone I can about job positions taking me back to Shanghai.  I would not mind a job which involved travel, including Shanghai, Beijing, and the U.S., if that were possible.  I'm looking to get a decent salary, but probably less than I used to earn in consulting. 

 

I do not think I want to begin a new consulting agency in China, because at the moment I'm not up to doing all of the setup work.   I'd rather take a job with an existing company or a consulting job through an agency, even if it means a little less money.  (Being an entrepreneur is very exhausting, especially when it's not making any money!)

 

However, the time before Christmas and until after Western New Year is not the best time for finding a job.  Most companies are busy with year-end projects, and everyone is looking to take a vacation, too.  Plus, new budgets for personnel tend to become available at the beginning of each quarter.

 

My return ticket is scheduled for January 3.  If I have not found a job or don't have any prospects for a job, I don't know that I will return to Shanghai on that ticket.  I've got to get work, and I can't return without one.  I think the prospects for finding a job in Shanghai are, ironically, better if I stay here rather than go there.  I can't get a job with a local company because my Chinese is not fluent.  Foreign companies would hire me, but for some reason they do not take local candidates seriously.

 

Of course, a lot of this plan depends upon where I would stay if I decide to stay in the US longer.  Would I stay with my mom in Chicago?  (Could I stand doing that?  Given the very, very cold weather?)  Would I stay in San Jose, since that's the most likely place I'd do an interview and probably the most likely place to get some temporary work to make ends meet in the meanwhile?

 

In the end, it would seem that I need to get some sort of work plan sorted out no matter what I decide to do.  Shanghai has been great to me but the last coulple of months have been significantly stagnant.  If it looks like I won't be making it back to Shanghai on the January 3rd ticket, I would probably want to get rid of the apartment, which would mean a big hassle.  I left most of my clothes there, and old Shanghai Swings documents, and DVD's.  In the end it's a lot to keep track of, and if I got rid of the apartment, where would I put it all?

 

Ai you.

 

Lots of questions and not a lot of answers.  Everything would be much simpler if I had the job and the stable income, but so far I have heard absolutely nothing back from all the resume submissions.  It's not encouraging.  Even a rejection would be better than no word at all, because I may be able to learn what the employer wants.

 

Most people I talk with say I'm worrying too much.  My resume is strong and my position to get a job is strong.  They say I'm just worrying too much, and that it's part of my personality to do so.  They said I worried a lot about when I started up the e-commerce consulting job seven years ago, and look how that turned out.  I ended up having more work than I could have asked for seven years running.

 

So I'm going to try to relax a bit.  Keep focused and keep taking actions to get my goal, but not worry about it.  Perhaps it happens in a month, maybe longer.  Who knows what will happen?  Worrying is not going to help in any case. 

 

Ah well.  All for now.

 

-J